I have known times like this.
I was talking to a close friend the other day about depression, something her husband had gone through recently after some stressful stuff in their lives piled up too, too quickly to control.
“It’s hard for me. I don’t handle things that way. I’m not wired that way,” she said, explaining that she wants to support him but finds it challenging, not understanding why he is handling their pressures so differently than her.
I understood completely. Before I was impacted by it, depression was just something Tom Cruise and Brooke Shields fought about (with a little intervention from Matt Lauer – boo-ya!). Depression was commercials that I forwarded on my DVR, sometimes catching the tail end of the ever reassuring “side effects include death, hysteria, inexplicable flatulence. In rare cases, liver, lung and rectal cancer have been reported.”
I never really thought I was “wired” for depression either. I went through some raw and painful stuff in my childhood and throughout my twenties and almost made it through my early thirties unscathed.
But when it hit me for the first time in my life, after the birth of my first child, it took me a long time to find a way to climb out of it.
Some days I struggle with the climb.
Because I never thought I was predisposed to depression, I never understood what I was experiencing. The anxiety. The restlessness. The debilitating pains that started mysteriously shooting through my body, hurting my back. The overwhelming exhaustion – more exhausting than anything I had ever even felt throughout pregnancy.
I thought something must be wrong with me. And something was. But I was looking for answers that I could see. I took blood tests. Went through MRIs. Saw every specialist I could.
These days, after recognizing and understanding what I have, I am a lot better. I do think that sometimes when people exhibit mysterious illnesses which go undiagnosed or experience chronic pain, it can be a sign of depression. In some, not ALL cases.
I have stopped telling everyone at my Doctor’s office to just go see a psychiatrist, because that was just plain disruptive.
I don’t think any of us really know what we are wired for until we are faced with it.
I look out my windows at the clouds, glad that I can see the light beyond them.
This post was written as part of the Red Riding Hood link-up on Write on Edge. Today’s inspiration was “Rain”.
Oh – and watch Tom try to hypnotize Matt on national television. Why does Tom say, “Matt” so much, in that creepy voice? Weird, right?