brilliant disguise

Guilt, Motherhood & Rock and Roll

Over the past few weeks, I have written some pretty heavy pieces that would fall under the general “parenting” category. And I guess this is natural because I have two precious kids (who did not act so precious this weekend. Or come to think of it, rarely at all these days) who impact my writings and musings on a daily basis.

I don’t consider myself a “Mommy Blogger” though I guess it makes sense that I could fall into that genre. I think it’s clear that a lot of times when I reflect on mistakes I have made or about the life I am striving to lead, I think about how I can pass on some of those lessons to my own children.

“Your kids are lucky to have you” some of my friends have commented after reading a post. Snort. I mean, thanks. There are days where I feel so terribly unprepared for parenting and I feel horribly selfish because I want to live outside of the bubble of my children as well. Being in the bubble with them is good, but you need to get out and have your own “things.” Well, at least I do, and I have been called selfish by more than one person.

Which is silly, really. Nobody needs to tell me how selfish I am. I feel it inherently any time I am not doing something to raise money for the family, to be actively working on school activities with my kids (versus just curling up with them to watch Kung Fu Panda), or everytime I feel the desire to walk out the doors of this house.

Alone.

I don’t think men are conditioned to feel the same guilt. Men don’t get asked if they are comfortable with their decisions to go back to work after the babies were born, though some make a very brave decision to raise their kids. There are a lot of other questions men don’t get asked either, but this post is short and I ain’t got the time.

I am no Mother of the Year and I certainly don’t write this blog with the intention of condescendingly telling anyone how to parent. I am pretty sure I will be stumbling a lot throughout this process – no matter how many self-help books on the topic I read.

For example, I resort to some really ridiculous tactics to get my kids to sleep. Promising them candy for the next day has ACTUALLY happened and I am sure most parents would gasp at something like that. When they are trying to fight sleep, I use my best self-taught hypnosis voice which I learned from the movies.

“You are getting very, very sleepy. Your eyes are getting heavy. You want to curl up with your doggy (stuffed) in bed. (Yawn). Oh my, your eyes are starting to close….”

Next thing I know, my child is asleep and I am passed out with drool down my face in the baby’s rocking chair.

I am just an amateur. Years of doing it and I probably always will be.

I did want to let you guys know what I am up to when I am not being a bad parent. So sit tight and read on.

I love singing and playing guitar. I stopped doing it when I became a parent because there was no time and when there was time I wanted to pass out. So, anyway, I used to sing in a small band which ended when I became pregnant with my first and have wanted for over a decade to record an LP. I am working with a producer in a studio and have several originals under my belt. But there is a cover I have started and I would love to get some feedback from you guys.

Yes – you!

The song is “Brilliant Disguise” by Bruce and yes, I received permission from his publishing company to use it on my LP. My people (that would be me) talked to his people and so this is all on the up and up. Please let me know what you think. It’s not mixed, mastered or well – done at all (I am seeing parallels with my own life here) but you will get a gist of where  I plan to go. Based on a Facebook vote I put out on Facebook last night (I mean, hello – immediate survey panel. How valuable) – I should stay acoustic.

Would love your thoughts on it?

Here it is:

“Brilliant Disguise” – Kiran Ferrandino cover of Bruce Springsteen song from “Tunnel of Love.”

It’s Monday. Keep on trucking.

Kiran

P.S. Why can’t we push the clocks forward on Monday at 5 PM. How awesome would that be? I plan to start a petition because I think I am on to something.

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MEET KIRAN

I'm Kiran, I'm a dreamer. A writer. A singer. A mother. An ugly crier. An Indian-American. Who loves Gandhi. My stories are full of truth that is sometimes hard for me to say out loud. This blog is where I overcome my fears and live (and love) out loud. Read More....

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