My Husband, the Teeth Model

The ladies at our dentist office love my husband, John. I think it has something to do with how friendly and smiley he is. Maybe it’s because he never gets cavities. Whatever it is, they are seriously crushing on him.

I have thought this was cute. It doesn’t really bother me. When John missed his appointment a few weeks ago because of some last minute work travel, he forgot to call the office to cancel. I had an appointment two days later and as soon as I walked in, the receptionist looked up from her desk and jumped up to greet me.

“Oh my God! Is John okay? We are so worried about him!”

I could feel the eyes of the other patients in the waiting room looking me up and down. What had happened to this John person? I could almost see them asking. (They had not yet updated the fliers, so his celebrity was not yet on the rise in Northern Virginia). I was so confused as I hadn’t realized he had missed the appointment and I also didn’t realize his teeth were that bad that the office staff would be so concerned.

At this point, one of the hygienists ran out from the back and said, “Oh, what happened? This is so unlike him!

As opposed to so like him?  Based on what?

And so I apologized for John (thanks, John) and had to spend the rest of my cleaning listening to how great my husband is, and how funny he is, and oh wow, he must just love our kids soooo much.

Seriously. They got this from his teeth?

“He seems like such a great husband. And he’s Italian! I love Italian food!”

Es, ee ith ithalian, buth thigh I the thun that thoes the thooking” I also tried to explain that he is half Puerto Rican, but it was hard to get out with that suction thing making a ruckus and my mouth wide open.

“Oh bless his heart! I bet he cooks for you all the time!”

“Thar thou thucking thidding mhee?” I tried to say, except she told me to spit.

I don’t know what John talks about when he is in the office. And I don’t know he can get a word in edgewise during his cleanings because he is a bad flosser, so they must have to use the time he is there to really get in there.

So all I remember thinking was “How the hell did you get this from his teeth?”

As I left the office that day, the receptionist yelled after me from her desk, “Tell John to keep his next appointment! We don’t want him to break our hearts again!”


So then the next day, John goes to the office for his appointment and comes back home all happy and beaming like Ponch from CHIPS with a story to tell me. Most people would probably get reprimanded for missing an appointment and get smacked with a “no-show” fee at most places.

But not John. And not Dr. Han’s office.

Instead, they asked him to become one of the “faces” of their office and be on their website and all over their office walls. They want to hire a photographer and have a photo session so he can flash his pearly whites so his fan club can swoon all over his pictures every day.

“Now we can look at you every day!” they told him.

You could tell he was trying to be humble about it, except of course the part where he wasn’t trying to be humble at all.

“Isn’t it funny how you used to model and I’m the one who gets asked to be in the pictures?”

“Yeah, it’s hysterical.” I said, not really laughing but still finding it odd that his teeth have some special “something” that mine will never have.

The “IT” factor. For teeth.

He was so excited. John’s best friend has modeled as a side job for years and we see him on TV in commercials and in magazines all the time. I could see John already putting his portfolio together and thinking about how many commercials there might be where he could play a call center rep from Mumbai. But then I had to remind him that while he has the loveliest smile in real life, anytime a camera is pointed at him, he becomes Chandler Bing and clams up.

And of course he remembered that is a bit of a problem but I think he is going to try and wing it. I mean, you don’t want to lose an opportunity to have your teeth displayed all over the office and website of your local dentist.

Once in a lifetime opportunity, John. You MUST take it. Carpe the hell out of this one.

I will let you guys know how it goes!


And so now you know about how John’s promising modeling career started. I haven’t quit my job just yet, but if he keeps smiling like that, I’m hoping he can even land a Bollywood gig or do stunt work for Wilmer Valderama.


50 Responses to My Husband, the Teeth Model

  • Oh good grief. John reminds me so much of Bob. Which makes sense that you and I would be so similar, kiran.But yeah, like John, everyone always seems to love my hubby just a teeeeeeny bit too much. And while 99.9999% of the population is thinking, "Wow, it doesn't even go to his head!" I, his everloving wife, know it does. Secretly. Deep down inside.So, John, I am on to you and your humble ego. It's ok. I like it.Let me think of some smile tips. Be back in a few.

  • Maven says:

    I LOVED this!"And all I was like was, "You got this from his teeth?!!"That line made me laugh out loud. And, honestly, I too am Chandler Bing when it comes to photos – I once had a photographer say to me "Can you try not to look like such a bully?"Nice, I know :-)

  • Ams says:

    Oh dear… it's always something with the men in our life right?Hilarious!Well let us know how it goes… I don't know if I have any good suggestions but I am sure he will do great (as long as he doesn't pull a Chandler!)

  • T!nK says:

    just act NATURAL! tell him I am a model! I mean, not really, but yeah. Just tell him to think of the funniest thing he knows! lol.

  • tattytiara says:

    Wow. I went to the dentist today and felt special just because the receptionist recognized me. I can't top that, though!

  • Wow, he must one hell of a great smile! I hope it won't deflate his ego if the photos don't turn out!

  • Shandal says:

    My Hubs gets that kind of attention too! Crazy! I loved that Friends episode! Who am I kidding? I love all of the episodes! :)

  • Allyson says:

    So, apparently Neal, Bob and John need to start a Hot Husband of Equally Gorgeous But Totally Ignored Wives Fan Club because other women adore Neal. They think he's SOOOO funny and SOOOO thoughtful. Yeah, he's thoughtful. Until he burps salsa in your face. Or washes your bras with your sweaters on Cotton/Sturdy. And this reminds me of the last episode of "Men of a Certain Age" where the guy can't do the car dealership commercial with his dad because he's scared to death to be on camera…and his wife had to remind him of that.All I'm saying is it's a good thing they have us. I have NO smile tips. Good luck with that. ;D

  • Karls says:

    Hhahahah! That is too cute!Micko does the same thing… unconciously puts on a stunned mullet dopey as a fuck face, then whinges when I put them on facebook – or the blog.

  • Glennon says:

    GIRl. you are not going to believe this, Craig is all over our dentist's walls. we are going to have to turn this into some kind of double post. also, john does have really, really good teeth. you know what, john always looks a little scared to me in pictures. maybe you should hold his g

  • Tracie says:

    Maybe they will hire Annie Lebowitz to do his shoot.

  • Annie says:

    girl! Sounds like you snagged yourself a hottie! :)

  • Hope he gets some free dental work out of the deal. That stuff is expensive! I think models get between 125 and 1500 an hour. He should be able to negotiate a flouride treatment, a cap and two bridges for that.

  • Sadia says:

    I can't wait to hear about the photo shoot. "You got this from his teeth" had me giggling. :)

  • Sweet – maybe you'll get some free dental work out of it. And perhaps this will be the start of a long and fulfilling tooth modeling career. Break a leg John!

  • Meagan says:

    My hubby is totally Chandler Bing when the camera is pointed at him. I love that episode! Look back at our wedding pics, his smile leaves something to be desired.

  • Seriously? I would go in with him from now on! Those hygenist hounds! Too funny and awesome at the same time. I always wondered who got picked to be that person with the awesome teeth and wondered if they were, after all, fake teeth. Now I know!

  • jessalyn says:

    ugh. i tell manfriend all of the time that he is like the mayor of cape cod or something. he knows everyone, and they all seem to think he is so wonderful. they do not have to live with him. hahaum, no smile tips, because i look like a dumbdumb in my pics (see profile image) :)good luck to hubby and his soon to be dental fame!

  • Lemon Gloria says:

    Hahaha! They got this from his teeth!And famous! He's going to be dentally famous! Yay!

  • Salt says:

    Yeah…SURE they want those photos for the website and office walls. Those creepy ladies are going to be carrying around pictures of John in their wallets and making weird voodoo love dolls and worshipping at a little altar they made out of his used paper dentist bibs in the back of the dentist's office.Ew I just grossed myself out a little.But seriously, GOOD FOR HIM! I hope the smile works out well for the photo. :)

  • Erin says:

    Woooo to the Hoooo! He's going to be a celebrity!He should just picture everyone in their undies. and right before they snap the pics, they should yell out funny things like, "POOP!" or "Boobies!" and I bet that will prompt a real smile.;-)

  • MiMi says:

    Oh my crap, I can't think of anything because I'm laughing too hard at this shiz. Hilarious!

  • Amy says:

    This is so funny!It's totally random that the dental ladies would be that inamored with a patient…It's things like this that really crack me up!Give John a shot of tequila before the photo shoot! He'll be good and smiley:)

  • AJ says:

    wow. what a major burden you must carry, having a hubby who is so amazing an all.hahaha. That's funny! Good for him! But the dental office girls obsession is a LITTLE weird. JS

  • blueviolet says:

    He's a poster boy for pretty teeth! That's something not too many of us can boast about!

  • Anna See says:

    you are hilarious!he must one heck of a smile!

  • Sara says:

    My goodness. He must floss like, EVERY SINGLE DAY!

  • Caroline says:

    You guys are both so freaking adorable, I am surprised they didn't ask both of you to be the "faces." Then your kids will get to be "Faces: The Next Generation." He, from what I can tell, has a lovely smile . . . just tell him not to over think it.

  • meredith says:

    baahahaha, this is too funny!!if quasi was asked this, his ego would explode bigger than it already it. john appears to be much more humble.

  • Sarah says:

    Oh this is so funny! If something like this happened to my hubby he would be so so proud, too. Men are so funny!

  • Salt says:

    Hey K…I just heard something on TV and thought of you. On World News Tonight they were talking about all our snow and I blamed it on El Niño. You are so on to something.Stay safe this weekend!

  • Shell says:

    That's hilarious! Can't wait to hear how it goes!Are you going to be in Baltimore, too???? :)I have an award for you over on my blog.

  • Oh my goodness, Kiran, that is so funny. My husband has a few "followers" too. Namely a few neigbhbors. Nice.Let us know how it all turns out. I have no smiling tips – I take horrible pictures myself. Until next time,Heather

  • roflmbo your hubby's teeth and my hubby's long hair. I about decked a nurse in an ER when I was 7 months preggo cause she was all touchy feely on his hair when I went potty. Yeah wasn't pretty lol

  • Oh this is too funny! My hubby is also the life of the party wherever he goes. I don't have any advice for smiling, sorry :) But, I so want to see the photo!!

  • Craig says:

    this is awesome! Better take it serious Dino (or should I say John).

  • marshall says:

    Hello really there is a tooth model i really haven't realize that but i think that is necessary teeth whitening is the best alley to youre model teeth ,.

  • Hilarious.

    p.s. For a moment it came to me the picture of Joey – in Friends- and his hand modeling career. LOL.
    Mama and the City recently posted…The Secret for Strong and Healthy Looking NailsMy Profile

  • ilene

    I totally would have been charged that $50.00 missed appointment fee at my dentist had I canceled – and your hubs gets asked to be a model! Oh, I love it! He does have great teeth – I must say.
    Oh, and about Facebook and birthdays, I took my birthday down at some point last year because I tried to convince myself that all of those birthday messages didn’t matter to me – and then about 6 hours later, I put it back in…
    ilene recently posted…Me and JTMy Profile

  • dixya

    this is tooo funny, when I saw that on facebook – i thought you were only kidding. Not going to lie, he does have that modeling charisma for a dentist’s office :) About the birthday on fb- I am that weird person who does not like to put birthday on message but wont stop stalking people :P
    dixya recently posted…Kale, Spinach, Mushroom Lasagna Roll Ups {Meatless Monday}My Profile

  • Alison

    Hah too funny!!
    Before we were married, I was having coffee with my then-boyfriend-now-husband at Starbucks. Two women walked to our table, started talking to him, and handed him a business card, asking him to call them. Or something. He was like, WTF, who are you? I was like, WTF, who are you and DO YOU NOT SEE ME SITTING HERE?
    They were just young chicks, hitting on my man. In front of me. Sigh.
    Alison recently posted…Dear Future FriendMy Profile

  • tracy says:

    Oh my word hilarious!
    tracy recently posted…I Want To Hold The Whole Wide World…My Profile

  • hahaha. “You think I’m being sarcastic, but you know exactly what I am talking about.” yup yup. you’ll have to pry facebook from my cold dead fingers too. profess your love to me in exclamation marks :) Also, hilarious that the office staff knows so much about your husband because of his beautiful teeth. And I mean, come on, they are beautiful :)
    sarah sundayspill recently posted…the sunday spill: introducing my self-portrait project, finallyMy Profile

  • Lady Jennie says:

    Hilarious! See – I’m a new reader. I would never have known all that about Eric Estr – I mean John.
    Lady Jennie recently posted…Life in the Trenches – Chapter 7My Profile

  • Mary

    I hope his teeth are insured! I think Lloyd’s of London does teeth … I’m just happy to know I’m not the only one with a winter-sized ass and a pretty hubby! Great post and tribute to John!
    Mary recently posted…Do You Pursue Friendships with the Opposite Sex?My Profile

  • Hahahaha! How did I miss this? Sooooo funny! Happy b’day to your hubby. Nice white teeth are totally sexy. I’m with you 100%. Love that he stares down at your at the dentist’s office. Every time.
    renée a. schuls-jacobson recently posted…Rules of the RoadMy Profile

  • Joey

    “Thar thou thucking thidding mhee?” Hysterical! Thanks for that!
    Joey recently posted…The Tooth of ItMy Profile

  • Angela says:

    Love this post, it’s hilarious. John is very lucky that you have such a great sense of humor and are not fazed by the adoration of his fans from the dental office. “Now we can look at you every day!”…that would have freaked me out?!! Good photo of your husband, but I think your kids look great, your daughter is cute and hilarious and your son is adorable.

  • Anna See says:

    this is so funny! you’ll have to keep us up to date on his career.
    Anna See recently posted…Proud LettersMy Profile

  • LOL. yes. Remember the time when birthday greetings were private?
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I'm Kiran, I'm a dreamer. A writer. A singer. A mother. An ugly crier. An Indian-American. Who loves Gandhi. My stories are full of truth that is sometimes hard for me to say out loud. This blog is where I overcome my fears and live out loud. Read More....
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