My Doctors Read My Blog & Bring Back Banana Clips.

I had to go to the hospital for a small medical procedure this week. Don’t worry, everything is fine, but it’s something I have been putting off for a long time.

Anyway, I had to go under general anesthesia before the Doctor could operate. I was a little nervous, more about going under the knife and the pain I might feel afterwards than about my lack of consciousness. The Anesthesiologist was a sweet and lovable looking Indian man, with kind green eyes, and he assured me that everything would be fine. I allowed myself to be comforted by him and went under quietly and without a fight.

When I woke up, John was sitting beside me.

Me: It’s done?

John:  Yeah, it took no time at all.

Me: Did I poop on the table?

John: No, not that I know of.

Pooping on the table has been a big concern of mine since before I had kids. I always heard about women who went into labor and had a bowel movement while trying to push out the baby. This terrified me since and I was having no part of it, as long as I could control it.

The nurse came in and gave me some grape juice. I was quite capable of putting the straw in myself but instead I allowed John to unwrap and stick it in the little juice box hole.

I’m not stupid. I was going to milk as much as I could out of this hospital visit.

The Doctor came in mid-sip.

Doctor: You did great. Everything went well and you shouldn’t have any complications. Any questions?

Me: Did I poop on the table?

Doctor: Um. No. You didn’t.

Me: Good. Well thanks for everything!

Doctor: (Turning to John) You have the discharge instructions. Make sure she gets a lot of rest the next few days. (Turning to me) Now you can go back to writing your blog. Any questions?

Whoa, there, Doc. Back the heck up.
How did he know about my blog? I must have looked at him funny.

Doctor: Doctor X is looking at it right now. It’s good stuff.

And he turned around and walked out.

John: You told him about your blog?

Me: No. (shaking my head). Maybe they looked it up?

It made total sense to me that while I was under, quietly drooling out of the side of my mouth and being busy not pooping, that the following conversation could take place:

Nurse: Who is this incredible woman on the table in front of us, with the questionable taste in nail polish color?

Doctor X: I don’t know. But I sense there’s a story. Maybe we should Google her.

Upon Googling me, they would find that I was, in fact, the proud writer of a blog.  I still found this rather odd, but completely within reason.

At that moment, Dr. X walked into the room.

Doctor X: Hey Masala Chica! Love your blog. It’s great.

Me: How did….?

Doctor X: Oh. Well, you told me all about it while you were asleep.

John: Oh no. You didn’t.

Me: Oh shit.

Until this point, I didn’t know you could have conversations with people when you were under. Who knows what else I confided in him?  Did I tell him about how I successfully delivered two children without pooping on a table? Did I inform him about my undying love for Jon Bon Jovi? That the one fashion trend I miss most of the eighties was the banana clip?

Please be cool again!

What else had I shared with him?

I wonder if I asked him to “like” me on Facebook? To follow me on Twitter?

God. Please. No.

I’m embarrassing enough when I am conscious. I write this blog when I’m conscious. Well, mostly anyway. What is the unconscious me capable of saying?

I guess I’ll never know.

XO,

Kiran

P.S. My friend, Vanita, from The After Bedtime Blog, blog and website designer extraordinaire, is offering some specials for friends of Masala Chica. She is amazing, reasonably priced already – but she is willing to throw in some additional deals this month for you wonderful people. She is helping me with SEO and fixing up my blog right now and is a GODSEND. Call her. She is the woman for you.

22 Responses to My Doctors Read My Blog & Bring Back Banana Clips.

  • Alison
    Twitter:
    says:

    Hahahaha!!! That just goes to show how much blog you have on your mind!
    Great way to pull in new readers, Kiran.
    (hope you’re okay and recovering!)
    Alison recently posted…Old School BloggingMy Profile

    • masalachica says:

      I know – it gets scary – doesn’t it? And I am totally freaked out by the fact that I talk while under. There are times where we shouldn’t “use our words.” That’s one of them :-)!

  • dixya
    Twitter:
    says:

    oh boy. I have never been under anesthesia or anything yet and its always one of my biggest concern – poop, not waking up again, etc etc I did not know you could talk – hilarious…I bet the doctor had a great time listening to your story. Keep your eyes out for an Indian doctor to like you on FB :P glad it was a small procedure and you were under anesthesia only for short time he he.
    dixya recently posted…Positive Acne ReportMy Profile

  • Snehal Naik says:

    Hey Kiran! There are plenty of banana clips here in the market…There are innumerable sizes, designs, and colors to die for!
    I wish I could send them across to you!

    • masalachica says:

      Really? I knew there were people who still had good taste ;-). Ha ha. Seriously – I loved those things! I had the craziest, curliest, frizziest hair and they almost made it look pretty when I used them ;-).

  • Manisha says:

    Weird but cool all at the same time! Great marketing strategy? I remember the one time I was under to have my wisdom teeth out I heard them talking over me and I started giggling and saying in a loopy voice “I’m not asleeep yeett.” It makes me feel a bit creepy to think about it. I wonder what else I might have said now that I’ve read your post.
    Manisha recently posted…Iron Craft: GreenMy Profile

  • so funny.. this is why i’m so paranoid about putting my full name on my blog, god knows who (ex’s) are googling what? lol. hope you’re feeling better. :-)
    Honey What’s Cooking recently posted…Friday’s Favorite Things – 3.15.13My Profile

  • ilene
    Twitter:
    says:

    Oh, funny! I hope you are recovering nicely!
    And I hope they completely loved on your blog the way we do!
    And yes to banana clips in a big way!
    ilene recently posted…5 For Friday: Guest Post at Coach DaddyMy Profile

  • vanita says:

    girl, when you’re in labor, pooping on the table is the least of your concerns, lol. and yes, we do talk a lot when we’re under anesthesia. when i pulled my tonsils 9 years ago, i seemed to have taught the staff about the importance of narrowing your target market. when i woke up the doc asked if i think he should narrow his practice to throat only instead of ear and throat. weirdo. i was reciting what i was learning in my sleep. sheesh. and thanks for the shout out sis! ya got me good. i didn’t see it coming. :-D
    vanita recently posted…Bounce Rate Defined Series: Wrap Your Blog In HoneyMy Profile

  • Hahahahaha. Of all the things you could have told them, the blog seems like the best one! I could see you rocking a banana clip…and never apologize for Bon Jovi. Never. –Lisa
    The Dose of Reality recently posted…You’re Going DOWN, Iceman!My Profile

  • lol that’s hilarious! My BFF actually sang a song karaoke style while she was on laughing gas. She came out of it and realized what was going on while people were giving her a standing ovation. :)
    Jessica Barnard recently posted…Blog Conference Roommate Gift IdeaMy Profile

  • Sweetie! I’m hoping you are okay. Only you can write a post like this. So glad you didn’t poop on the table. Probably. :)
    Renee Schuls-Jacobson recently posted…True Crime: A #SoWrong Story From PegolegMy Profile

  • Anne says:

    This is hysterical. Thanks for the laugh. Count my vote for bringing back the banana clip – one of my favorite fashion statements.

  • Nish says:

    I just laughed out loud at work.

  • Ram says:

    Hi Kiran

    I am an aspiring blogger and a closet author. I do have a basket full of stories about what people say when they are under anesthesia! However until I read the latest entry on your blog I had shelved all those stories and had decided not to air them. Your candidness inspired me to post a line or two here. To be honest, you were totally “in control” of yourself. The only thing you blurted out was about your “blogspirations” and nothing else. You didn’t try to sell me a used convertible, like a previous patient of mine did, while under anesthesia!

    One of the most gratifying parts of my work is that I am in a postion to help people when they are most vulnerable. Thank you for acknowledging me. Good luck with John, your kids and your writing. May our paths cross again!

    Ram

    • masalachica says:

      Dr. Patla,

      You just made my day, if not my year. I hope you write your stories because I bet they are hysterical. Thank you for your care that day and for your kind words here. In the meantime, I have an 2007 Pilot I need to sell. Want it? ;-)

      Just kidding. Please let me know when you start writing!

      Kiran

  • Kristin says:

    Cracking up, Kiran. I am literally cracking up. How did I miss this last week?

    I’m just thinking of all the times I’ve had oral surgery on account of my drunken accident in college whereupon I broke my two front teeth. I’ve been put under many, MANY times – fortunately most before I started blogging. I wonder what I said. I’m like you – I’m a hot mess when I’m conscious. What in God’s name am I capable of saying when I’m unconscious?! I, too, thought I just laid there drooling on the table.

    This is going to haunt me, I just know it.
    Kristin recently posted…Friday Tapas: The One With Writer’s BlockMy Profile

  • Lady Jennie says:

    There are worse things you could be sharing. (I hope you didn’t share them). ;-)
    Lady Jennie recently posted…The Bible as a Literary WorkMy Profile

  • Lady Jennie says:

    Oh, and I totally read that the doctors read your blog and brought you back banana chips. You know, in case you were hungry? Because that’s what masala chicas like?
    Lady Jennie recently posted…The Bible as a Literary WorkMy Profile

  • I recently had a surgerical procedure as well.
    Luckily for me (depending on how you look at it) my bowels were already clean as a whistle.
    No table pooping for me.
    melodramacake recently posted…Introducing the players. [Cooking school.]My Profile

  • Todd
    Twitter:
    says:

    The wifey and I always have a deep appreciation for funny women that say things like “Did I poop on the table?”. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps it’s the willingness to let ‘er rip…which actually sounds like another story about funny women.
    Todd recently posted…HOW TO SAVE UP ALL THAT CAFFEINE YOU’VE BEEN CHUGGING, AND UNLEASH IT ALL AT 3:00 A.M.My Profile

  • Andy Bland says:

    i’ve never been operated before. And I’m afraid I might be in the future. Thinking about it gives me the creeps
    Andy Bland recently posted…Auto-Responder.netMy Profile

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MEET KIRAN
I'm Kiran, I'm a dreamer. A writer. A singer. A mother. An ugly crier. An Indian-American. Who loves Gandhi. My stories are full of truth that is sometimes hard for me to say out loud. This blog is where I overcome my fears and live (and love) out loud. Read More....
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