Like My Gake?!

Most of you have probably seen this picture by now, which is making its rounds online. It’s a  young woman’s coming out letter to her parents. The young woman, Laurel  also leaves a cake for her family to sweeten the message.

The message reads:

Good morning parents,

I’m gay. I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time. I thought doing it this way would be a piece of cake. I hope you still love me. I mean, it’s hard not to love someone who baked you a cake.

All my friends know and still love me. Your acceptance would be the icing on the cake.

I hope you, much like this cake, are not in tiers.

I hope we can look back at this and say, “boy, this one really takes the cake.”

It gets batter.



(Sorry for so many puns)

I posted this on my Facebook wall as soon as I saw it. Because I think it’s brilliant. It’s funny.

It’s vulnerable.

And I have wondered after posting this how Laurel’s parents received the message. What approach did they take when they heard the news?

And of course, how the cake tasted.

Approach One – Love it and Embrace Her for ALL of it.

It’s obvious from the letter that Laurel has a great sense of humor. I wonder if her parents were the ones who imparted Laurel with their humor and spirit. Did they laugh and throw their arms around her? Grab a slice of cake and tell her how proud they are of her, no matter what? And, how did she know they had been craving cake?

Approach Two – Greater Reservations – Need Time to Process

Or…. did they look at each other in shock, the father absentmindedly going through the normal routine of brewing the coffee while the  mother read the letter again, licking some frosting off  her finger. Did they take a slice of the cake to the table with their coffee before they sat down and held each others’ hands to talk about the message?

To talk about what all of it means.

That response would be okay too. Not everyone would be jumping up and down in the air about a declaration like this. Some parents need time to process this.

When did Laurel know?

How long has she been trying to tell them?

They might need time to figure out how this changes their expectations of things. To understand how they need to support their child.

To maybe even grieve a little.

Why grieve?

Because that mother may have had an idea since Laurel was born that she would have a traditional wedding. That she would have a traditional family. That she would one day be a grandparent to Laurel’s beautiful children from her husband.

And while some of those things can still happen, what she envisioned won’t ever align to what will play out in reality. So it’s important to acknowledge and understand that she might need that time.

Approach 3 – Don’t Accept

And maybe, just maybe. Did one of the parents look at the cake and throw it across the room while the other parent looked at the note and say, “You thought you would buy us a cake to tell us that you’re a goddamn lesbian? What the hell kind of message is that to give to your parents? With a Duncan Hines cake?”

And I am really hopeful that Laurel did not see that kind of reaction.

What Approach Would I Take?

So here’s where I am going. I don’t know what happened in Laurel’s house. I pray that her family is loving and supportive and will do everything they can to make sure she knows that their love for her does not changes.

If my kids left me that cake? I would probably cry. Tears of joy and love and happiness that they feel they have enough support from their parents to know that we will always love them. I would be ecstatic. Even if I don’t like cake. I would eat every calorie in that cake.

I have always said I will embrace my children, no matter what their sexuality is. Things I worry about as a mother are my children falling down the wrong path at some point in life. I worry not about the sex of the partner they choose – but the quality of partner that they choose. No matter what, I just want them to find love in the truest way with someone who loves them back as selflessly as I know my own kids will love.

There are so many things I want for my kids in this life, but ultimately, it’s their happiness that matters the most to me. Their fulfillment.

So I guess the question is, how would you respond if a child came out to you this way?

For now I am off to bed. But when I wake, let them eat cake!


8 Comments on Like My Gake?!

  1. vanita
    February 1, 2013 at 10:29 am (2 years ago)

    girl this post made me want to cry. one of my teens attends an all girls school and she tells me a good percentage of the girls are lesbians, and i always wonder how their parents take the news or how they will someday. I love my kids and being born and raised in nyc, nothing surprises me. lol. and love should be unconditional, right?
    vanita recently posted…Shed Negativity From Your Life (And Your Blog)My Profile

  2. Mary
    February 1, 2013 at 1:12 pm (2 years ago)

    Funny, my husband and I just had this conversation last night. I also hope this incredibly brave, spunky young woman received a loving, supportive response from her parents. I am confident I would react with love and humor and wonder and joy and also a mix of sorrow for the loss of MY dreams for her. Like you, I don’t care one bit the gender of who she loves, I care that she loves, that she’s willing to open her heart and experiences the wonders of love and that life has to offer. I worry about drugs and alcohol and driving and perfectionism and choosing abusive or unloving partners, all things that could impact her life in truly negative ways. But gender? Nope. For today, gender is not even on my “worry” radar. Wonderful post! Love it!
    Mary recently posted…PTSD By ProxyMy Profile

  3. Kate
    February 1, 2013 at 1:23 pm (2 years ago)

    Sweetest coming out ever? Seriously, I loved everything about this post. As the lone liberal in a family full of conservatives, I’ve often had to defend my beliefs to a room full of non-believers. Their favorite “gotcha question” was always, “Well how will you feel if your son turns out to be gay??” How will I feel? How am I supposed to feel? I would feel honored that he shared that with me. I would feel love for him because, since the day he was born, that has always been more involuntary than breathing. I can’t HELP but love that child and his sexual orientation doesn’t stand the slightest chance of getting in the way of that. The fact that they ask me that always makes me feel a little sad for their kids.

  4. Doni
    February 1, 2013 at 1:59 pm (2 years ago)

    How would I react? I’d be proud of my kid and feel honored. (My kids are genuinely confused as to why gay people don’t have the same rights as everyone else). Laurel is a remarkable kid, and I hope the outcome was positive and productive.

    Like all the previous posters, I could care less about the gender of my kids’ love interest. There are so many other, scarier things to worry about. It’s frightening to me how much my own happiness is wrapped up in the kids’ happiness. If my kid is happy in love with someone of the same sex, you can damn well be sure I’m happy.

  5. dixya
    February 1, 2013 at 2:41 pm (2 years ago)

    you are my superwoman Kiran :) I hope that Laurels parents were supportive about her choices too, and even if they do not agree, need time to process thats okay because it is a lot to take in especially if they were unaware of it but ultimately I hope they will accept her the way she is and give her all the love and support. Honestly, I am not really sure how I would react if my kid came out like that its easier said than done but I know for sure that the posts like these surely helps broaden my perspective :) Happy Friday!
    dixya recently posted…Thankful Thursday & Links I LoveMy Profile

  6. Nelson
    February 1, 2013 at 2:56 pm (2 years ago)

    This is a great story. A friend of mine had his son come out two Christmas’ ago. It was very traumatic for them as they are “good” Catholics. The love of their son won out. Their priest asked if he was really any different than before he told them and they said “no”. Then what’s the problem.

    The entire family is now much more comfortable talking about any issues. He’d been living a lie for his first 23 years. He knew he was different as a young boy. He’s now very happy and in a very caring and loving relationship. And really, isn’t that all that matters?
    Nelson recently posted…Happy First Anniversary!My Profile

  7. Alison
    February 1, 2013 at 9:38 pm (2 years ago)

    You’re a great mom, Kiran.
    I hope Laurel’s parents are just as kind and loving as you are to your children.
    If it was one of my boys?
    Well, nothing changes. They’re still my boys.
    Alison recently posted…7 Deadly Sins Of BloggingMy Profile

  8. ilene
    February 2, 2013 at 8:09 am (2 years ago)

    Love is love. And like you said, I am more concerned for the quality of a partner for my kids than their gender. I too hope that my children can tell me about themselves – even the things that may feel scary or uncomfortable. Beautiful post and I love your point of view and the way you write about it – as always.
    ilene recently posted…Suddenly SarahMy Profile


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