It’s MY Party

I’m trying to run interference on a battle between my three year old son and my five year old daughter.

Nico! I can’t believe you did that to me! You are NOT COMING TO MY PARTY!” She yells at him.

“Shaila….” I interject.

Oh yeah?!” yells Nico back, finding his voice. However high pitched it might be. “Well you’re not coming to MY party!

Nico….” I start.

Well MY party is going to be bigger than your party. And I’m going to have pinatas!” She yells. She turns to me. “Mommy, I can have pinatas, right?

No, MY party is going to be biggest-er than yours and I’m going to have a water slide and you can’t go on it!” He screams back.

At MY party, I’m going to have ice cream. And I’m going to eat it right in front of you and say, ‘Do you want some ice cream?’ And you won’t be able to HAVE ANY!” She points her finger at him. “And you won’t be able to talk to any of the princesses that are there likebelleorarielorjasmine!” Her words stumble on each other and she is short of breath from her proclamation.

Well at MY party, you won’t be able to ride the elephant!” Huh? This ain’t no show about rich kiddy bitches on MTV, kid.

OOOOH. I can’t even believe you, Nico! Mommy! Nico says I can’t ride the elephant!

Mommy! Shaila won’t let me have ice cream with a princess!

This can go on for hours.

Let’s be clear about something. It’s February. Their birthdays – both of them – are in August.

They’re planning for hypothetical parties that are over six months away.

But I understand how mortifying it can be when you’re the only one not invited to a party. How much did that suck? I always hated feeling left out when I found out about a party that my other friends were all excited to go to, only to find that I was the only one not invited. It’s worse than getting picked last for kickball.

If not worse, than a close second.

As an adult, I don’t really care if you invite me to your party. Or to your wedding. Seriously. I’m tired and would rather hang out in my pajamas that night.

True story.

I wonder what would happen though if I ever started using the same cold, calculated method of alienation that my children use on each other. I mean, what would I even say?

At my party, you are so not getting REAL wine glasses. Here’s a paper cup!

At my party, you’re are so not going to roll VIP.” You have to drink Bud Light and wine from the big ass Woodbridge bottle.

At my wedding, you’re going to be at THAT TABLE.” You know. It’s the one furthest from the bride and groom and you’re so close to the bathroom that you can see a groomsman peeing in the urinal.

At my party, you are so not getting any Tostitos!

At my party, my ass is going to look so much better in these jeans than your ass does.” Well, just because. It’s my party.

I don’t know. I don’t think I carry it off with as much aplomb as my kids.

Whatever. There’s more than enough space for all of you at my party. Send special food requests in advance if you are vegan or I have to make gluten free cupcakes or something else I probably suck at.

And try not to step in any elephant poop. It’s impossible to get off!





23 Comments on It’s MY Party

  1. Galit Breen
    February 5, 2013 at 2:37 pm (2 years ago)

    Love that photo!

    And hee! How about we skip the parties and do the pajamas at home thing, instead? I roll like that, too!

    Galit Breen recently posted…This is Childhood: FOURMy Profile

  2. Peg
    February 5, 2013 at 3:55 pm (2 years ago)

    I just totally laughed out loud and probably embarassed myself in van pool line at school.

    “you’re not invited to my party” is a classic insult among the McCarthy kiddos. The ultimate of all insults.

    I have to say, I noticed this week on Facebook that a bunch of neighborhood friends had a girls night without me and the 16 year old girl in me who wasn’t invited to the cool kids party crept up and I felt left out…big time. Sigh…I definitely will skip out on the bunko groups and mary kay parties (which I get invited to ad naseum) but this one stung a bit. Especially since we’re all friends on facebook.

    I still remember your mom’s samosas at your engagement party, so I’d love those and an ice cold beer please…if of course if I’m invited :)

  3. dixya
    February 5, 2013 at 5:15 pm (2 years ago)

    another hilarious post Kiran :) love it. your kids are adorable and i remember having those fights with my brother because our birthdays 2 weeks apart. But now, I dont even want to celebrate my birthday anymore – I am happy to call it a PJ night and watch Food Network with a large bottle of woodridge bottle :P
    dixya recently posted…Ooey Gooey Scrambled EggsMy Profile

  4. AJ Collins
    February 5, 2013 at 5:37 pm (2 years ago)

    :) I laugh because my kids are STILL having that conversation at 7 and 9 years old. I started just telling them that if they said it again, there wouldn’t be ANY parties!

    That shut ‘em up. ;) LOVE IT! I especially love the elephants… maybe they’ve watched Annie one too many times?? Wasn’t there an elephant at that party?
    AJ Collins recently posted…"Alcohol cooks off in cooked food" and nine other homemaking myths revealed!My Profile

  5. renée a. schuls-jacobson
    February 5, 2013 at 8:54 pm (2 years ago)

    Why am I not getting your blog! Arrrrrgh! I was just about to email you and ask you if you are okay. I think I’d better unsubscribe ansd resubscribe or something. PITA.

    This is awesome.

    And sometimes I’m glad I only have one kid.

    No fighting.

    My dude is in August also: the 14th.

    You know how you can get them to cut the shizz? Tell them they are going to have to SHARE their birthday. I’m guessing they will stop the bickering immediately.

    *two snaps*

  6. Amber West
    February 6, 2013 at 8:11 am (2 years ago)

    “As an adult, I don’t really care if you invite me to your party. Or to your wedding. Seriously. I’m tired and would rather hang out in my pajamas that night.”

    Ha! This is pretty much me. Except there is still part of me that wants to be invited to the party. I want to feel wanted, but I don’t want to actually have to put on pants.

    I’m quite the enigma.

    (Also – you have a gorgeous family!)
    Amber West recently posted…The One Where I Tell You More About Me – Liebster’dMy Profile

    • masalachica
      February 7, 2013 at 5:37 pm (2 years ago)

      Thank you, Amber. Ok, I think there’s a little defensiveness on my part about the whole party thing. I never outgrew the need to feel wanted but now I am more like, “whatever, I’ll just drown in my sorrows over here.”

      Ooh, shouldn’t say that. Don’t want people telling me I have a problem (yes, I saw that post. too crazy!).

      Thank you about the family. About a couple of times a year, we shower and put on deodorant and stuff. Ok, well I do. I can’t vouch for them anyway.

      I also hate when people tell me to put my pants back on. Let me be!

    • masalachica
      February 7, 2013 at 5:38 pm (2 years ago)

      I would so want to party with you! And do yoga at your studio. Oh and have bagels and pizza. Those are things I like to do with my Jersey peeps :-).

  7. Alison
    February 6, 2013 at 11:30 am (2 years ago)

    August babies – Leos? Leos are known to be dramatic, that’s how we are.
    At my party, you don’t get to wear a tiara! :)
    Love the picture!

    PS: I hate weddings. Would much rather not get invited so I don’t have to lie and make excuses as to why I can’t make it.
    Alison recently posted…Conversations With My ChildrenMy Profile

    • masalachica
      February 7, 2013 at 5:39 pm (2 years ago)

      I love the tiara diss. I am totally going to use that!
      Hey – just saw the post up on HuffPo. Holla girl!

  8. ani
    February 6, 2013 at 2:36 pm (2 years ago)

    Waaah. It it painful (but safe here, I feel) to admit I feel so left out when my “friends” get together and don’t include me. It’s worse when they post pics and then you see them. But then again, I remind myself they are my casual friends. They are not tied to me and I’m not tied to them. It still hurts though even as a grown up.
    Takes me back to the days when I was picked last for kickball and the faces on the team when they ultimately chose me.

    It’s hard not to feel bad for my kids when they aren’t always invited. But in the end, they have great friends and events that they DO get invited to. And luckily they have short term memories. Clearly I don’t –I’m still holding on to those not-asks. :-)))) But if they could see me now! and I’m rockin’ in my pajamas too! LOL

    • masalachica
      February 7, 2013 at 5:42 pm (2 years ago)

      Oh, damn girl. Yes, I totally get it. And I have friends who I know how I have pissed off, but I know that I must have because I see all these cool party pictures on Facebook and i am like, what the hells? I didn’t get an invite for that wine tasting jewelry party?!

      I hope my kids get invited. But if they don’t I will just write about it on my blog in a mysterious way and make everyone feel guilty about it in that passive aggressive way I am really good at.


    • masalachica
      February 7, 2013 at 5:43 pm (2 years ago)

      I don’t think it ever gets old. I had a dream last night that my sister stole my favorite coat. Dude, I am 37. WTF?

    • masalachica
      February 7, 2013 at 5:44 pm (2 years ago)

      It’s nothing compared to the photos you have been putting up the past few days – gorgeous! They get better every day :-)

  9. MomWithaDot
    February 7, 2013 at 11:03 am (2 years ago)

    I’m Room Mom for my son’s class. Yeah, the one that puts up posters in corridors, plans class parties, makes class lists, mails these lists to other moms, stuffs fliers that go home with the kids…..yes, the same one. When Mom’s mail me saying, ‘Can you send me the class list please, I know it came in another mail earlier, but can’t find it :( Need it for Sam’s party coming up….'; I’m naive enough to believe I’d be seeing an invite to Sam’s party during the week. Nope :( Sam’s Birthday Party, Austins’ Halloween Bash, Taylors’ Back to School……. Not one invite shows up in my kiddos folder. ???
    MomWithaDot recently posted…Confessions & CollectionsMy Profile

    • masalachica
      February 7, 2013 at 5:46 pm (2 years ago)

      Oh Madhavi,

      I totally want to hug you and your child right now. WTF is wrong with Sam, Taylor and Austin’s parents? Seriously – they need to get some freaking manners. The only consolation is that it’s one less thing for you to have to go to on the weekend.

      That sucks, dear.

      Big hugs.

      • MomWithaDot
        February 7, 2013 at 7:44 pm (2 years ago)

        Thank you

        We’re sort of new to this school and live where none of his classmates live. Kids bond better if they live in the same neighborhood & so do moms, apparently. Anyway, as you said, one less thing to do & loadsa $$ saved :D :D ! (considering my son’s B’day is in summer…..LOL!)
        MomWithaDot recently posted…Confessions & CollectionsMy Profile

  10. Kristen
    February 8, 2013 at 4:21 pm (2 years ago)

    I’d TOTALLY come to your party. And if your mom could make some of those samosas you write about? That would be awesome… (Your’s would be awesome, too, but you make your mom’s sound like they are a gift from the Indian food gods. Who am I to turn down a gift from the gods?!)

    You know what? That’s rude. I shouldn’t invite myself to your party. (No matter how much I’d love to go!)How about this: I’m inviting you and all your great women readers to my annual Girls’ Only Valentine’s Party. Because you and your readers are just the sort of women my friends and I totally want to hang out with! It’s next Saturday night…

    I’m pretty sure that every woman hates not being invited. (Not every woman wants to actually go, but we all want to be asked, right? It’s not just you, me, your readers, is it?) Maybe I’m too much of an aging hippie, but my way around this is to just invite EVERYONE. There is always room for one more person who is amazing enough to want to join the fun, I figure.
    Kristen recently posted…The Laundry Room BluesMy Profile

    • masalachica
      February 9, 2013 at 10:56 am (2 years ago)


      You’re a woman after my own heart. Invite yourself to my party! The more the merrier. I’m in VA. I would totally be in for your valentine’s day party if you lived nearby.
      Yeah, I think we’re a lot alike. I hate to exclude and would much rather everybody be invited. I’ve got room a plenty and always more than enough food to go around!


      • Kristen
        February 10, 2013 at 10:00 am (2 years ago)

        It would be a bit of a hike. I’m in Massachusetts. And we’re buried under a couple of feet of snow. We’ll just have to plan another party for when the weather gets warmer and a road trip makes more sense!
        Kristen recently posted…Snow Day!My Profile


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