My Hallelujah Parenting Moment

It was the best of times. It also fucking sucked.

The other day I had one of those days where parenting tested me. More so than usual. And I am pretty sure I failed on at least three to four counts. After a while, you start to lose count with these kinds of things when your kids are screaming at you saying, “I HATE YOU MOMMY!!”

Let me back up a little.

It all started out pretty great. Some nice family time in the morning. The afternoon was spent with some close friends at a pediatric cancer awareness fundraiser for Journey 4 a Cure.

It all started out pretty innocently.

“Mommy, I need some more supplies for my desk at school. Can you buy me some?” Shaila asked.

She listed out all the things she needed which I had been delinquent on buying to keep her supply box up to date so she could keep up with Joneses in her first grade class. She asked if we could go to a craft store, because they only had the BEST stuff.

Now I’m not that adept at most of this motherhood business, but shopping? That I can do.

And so it came to pass that after a busy Saturday morning and afternoon, I found myself heading to Hobby Lobby with Shaila and her four year old brother, Nico. I had never been to Hobby Lobby before, so I wasn’t fully sure what to expect, but as soon as we walked in, I knew we were pretty much fucked.

There were just so many things. Interspersed amongst all the wall decor with Biblical proverbs and crosses were aisles and aisles teeming with shit that we had absolutely no need for but which I knew my kids would go apeshit for.

Bubble gum in a gun dispenser.

Little stuffed animals imported straight from China.

Coloring books that would go ignored after one use.

Candy mints in the shape of the Jesus fish.

Every size and shape of random paraphernalia involving dinosaurs, super heroes, freaky doll heads with a large sprinkling of Disney characters thrown in.

Basically, a lot of stupid shit which I already have in abundance in my house. The kind that I am always secretly throwing away when nobody is looking.

I don’t know what it is about Holly Lobby, but it changes you. You walk in there rational, prepared to leave with a few packs of crayons and pencils and the next thing you know, you’re contemplating buying inspirational artwork, furniture, and walking out with a sign that says “Jesus Loves Me.” (I’m a non-practicing Hindu, but I hear he is very accepting).

Apparently, I wasn’t the only one intoxicated by the heady air of the store. The kids were gasping, pointing and squealing and we hadn’t even made it past the floral arrangements yet.

I knew that I needed to focus though, so after repeatedly putting things in my cart and then pulling them back out in a great show of restraint, I managed to get Shaila the things she needed for her supply box for school. We then trolled around the aisles a little bit and bought a few extra crafty things for the kids and I was ready to call it quits and head to the register.

And that’s when it happened.

There in front of us, were several action figure themed racing car sets. Priced at 100 dollars.

And Nico was staring directly at them, pointing and waving and salivating over the Spiderman one.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I have a history of telling John I am running out to get something like frozen spinach, only to come back a few hours later with a new sofa. It never ends well. And I have promised my husband that he can trust me. So it would not be okay for me to say I just needed to hit the Crayola aisle and come back with a new hundred dollar toy. One that Nico would probably ignore after a day anyway.

“I’m sorry, Nico. We can’t get that toy today,” I said. Firmly.

“But I love it. I want it. I WANT it!!”

“You can pick a small toy, but we are not getting that toy.”

At this point, he was trying to physically catapult himself from the shopping cart seat. We were starting to attract some attention, but I was adamant that I was not going to budge on this.

It became clear I had to remove him from the cart because he was going to hurt himself and potential passerby with the wonky way he was trying to lunge from the cart towards the toy. So I took the cart to the register, thinking I could appease him with a small toy or candy at the register.

Nope.

When we got to the register, he started throwing himself on the floor and screamed in the loudest little squeaky four year old voice, “I am NOT your mommy anymore.” (He still hasn’t figured that whole thing out). Now we were getting stares, but because this was Hobby Lobby and it’s a nice Christian store, I am pretty sure nobody was judging me.

And that’s when he took off. He was disoriented so he didn’t know which way to go though. He somehow found his way to the fabric aisles and I chased him up and down them, trying to locate him. Every time I would catch him though, he would run again.

Shaila tried to help me. “Mommy! He’s here! I found him!” And then I would hear a loud grunt, only to find that Nico had punched Shaila in the stomach. Now I had a crying six year old, looking at me saying, “Why, Mommy?” and a shrieking four year old screaming, “I hate you, mommy! I want my Spiderman!”

After about a half hour of this and me managing not to somehow curse even ONCE (I just couldn’t with all those Biblical proverbs staring back at me) he decided to stage a sit-it in the yarn aisle.

nico sit in

We were all exhausted at this point. Shaila was probably the least disturbed by the whole event as she sat reading things like, “Love is patient. Love is kind.” with all the wonder of a child who never goes to church. Nico and I had hit a stalemate. But Hell would freeze over before I walked out of fucking Hobby Lobby with a $100 toy in my cart.

I picked up his squirming, kicking, screaming body, feeling every blow (he’s small, but he’s strong) as we made it to the checkout counter. I was ready to just leave our cart and go when all of a sudden, the hellion in my arms went limp and said very sweetly, “Mommy, can I have that?” pointing at a three dollar Transformer.

I know, I know. He shouldn’t have gotten anything. But my God, my arms and body were just so freaking tired, guys.

“Fine.”

As we waited to pay, he turned to me and said sweetly, “Mommy, I am sorry I was so yucky,” as if he hadn’t just been giving me the four year old version of “FUCK YOU, MOMMY” for the past thirty minutes.

I just looked at him incredulously. Sometimes, there are no words.

That’s the thing isn’t it? Sometimes there are no words to describe the ups and downs of parenting. The moment we think we have this thing down and start giving ourselves proverbial pats on the back, our kids manage to take you for a ride so fast and furious, you would think you were in an amusement park. But there is nothing amusing about it (until much later, and usually after some alcohol has been consumed) and there really are no guarantees that your next ride won’t happen as soon as the next day.

I used to wonder whether I would be a good mother. A good parent. My idea of what that means has shifted greatly the more years that I parent. The biggest shift is that I realize that I do the best I can everyday with what I am given. That may sound like I am setting the bar kind of low, but I think that sometimes as parents, that’s really the best we can do. You take each tantrum, each growing pain, each boo-boo as it comes and do your best for your child in that moment.

My day at Hobby Lobby was not one of my shining moments, but I shone as brightly as I could given the shit that I was dealt. And heck, we’re all still alive, so Hallelujah! (No, I put the Hallelujah! sign back too).

XO,

9 Responses to My Hallelujah Parenting Moment

  • Tiffany P
    Twitter:
    says:

    Were you watching me in Target this morning… Because we lead parallel lives. My son, Dylan was a menace in Rarget today.
    Tiffany P recently posted…Hitting the booksMy Profile

  • Alison
    Twitter:
    says:

    This is why I shop alone.
    Hallelujah!
    Alison recently posted…The Art of MotheringMy Profile

  • The Bride says:

    Aw he looks so adorable, I totally commend you for not giving in. And allowing him the smaller thing at the end is fine I think. In Hong Kong, it’s called face-saving and adults do it all the time.

    I go with the being the best parent I can be too. Though right now I need to pull my socks up a bit and be less of a parent with her nose in a book or her eyes on the phone, which my husband informs me are the same thing even though book sounds better.

  • Roshni
    Twitter:
    says:

    Loved this post! I haven’t heard ‘I hate you’ yet (oh, I’m sure I will! ) but I have heard shut up! It’s great that you didn’t cave in and I guess his $3 request was a plea for a compromise, so it was good that you gave him that to pacify his ego! !
    Roshni recently posted…Weird Words beginning with GMy Profile

  • Jessica says:

    You’re so right about Hobby Lobby! It’s so soothing that I always get “inspired” be the crafty mom I’m not. lol.

  • Arnebya
    Twitter:
    says:

    You know what? Fuck not buying the little thing just b/c he acted like a jerk. We are all making this shit up as we go. There are no supposed to’s. There just aren’t. Even the things we impose upon ourselves, not the ones society tells us are acceptable, will change as our circumstances change, as our children change. I don’t even know where a Hobby Lobby is but now I don’t wanna go.
    Arnebya recently posted…InfluenceMy Profile

  • Andrea
    Twitter:
    says:

    Hobby Lobby is like an amusement park. You spend all your money there, it makes you feel queasy, and don’t have anything of worth to show for it when you get home.

    But how can you say no to that face? I console myself about my less-than-perfect parenting moments with the knowledge that my children probably won’t remember my questionable decisions, but they will know what it’s like to be loved. You are a great mom.
    Andrea recently posted…The Fabulous World of WritingMy Profile

  • Sheryl
    Twitter:
    says:

    Kiran, this is good training for the real F*** you that you’ll get during the teenage years! (Maybe your kids will be nicer than mine, but just saying…)
    This parenting moment was the reality of parenting. It’s funny, because I actually just wrote about saying no to your kids. Sometimes I think mine are possessed. They wear us down! That’s why Jesus turned water into wine (or something like that). Hallelujah!
    Sheryl recently posted…Be a Parent, Not a Friend: How to Say No to Your KidsMy Profile

  • Lady Jennie says:

    Oh my gosh I love you. Laughing so hard, and crying at the same time.

    Cheers!
    Lady Jennie recently posted…Six Châteaux on the Loire: UsséMy Profile

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MEET KIRAN
I'm Kiran, I'm a dreamer. A writer. A singer. A mother. An ugly crier. An Indian-American. Who loves Gandhi. My stories are full of truth that is sometimes hard for me to say out loud. This blog is where I overcome my fears and live (and love) out loud. Read More....
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