Ann Coulter – I’m Here for You
I don’t like to get political on this blog. Sometimes I’ll dabble into things like religion but for the most part, I stay neutral. You might be able to guess my leanings through some of my posts, but again nothing definitive.
So this is not an attack on the Republican party, of which I know you are a part of. Because I do not think you are a true representative of that party. I think you are an outlier, an exception, a person who does not speak for the majority of your party. I mean, at least this is my hope, because if people like you are the voice of the party then the Republicans are pretty much screwed.
You see, Ann (I’m assuming I can call you that, right? It’s actually much better than the other names I want to call you, so let’s just go with the basic, “Ann.”) there are people in this world who value kindness. Who value empathy. Who value the differences between people.
And see, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. When someone like you says what you say, I wonder if you are just an attention seeking bully who wants attention now. Like, sometimes, when my daughter is not getting my all and really wants Mommy to look at her, she will be like “Mommy, Mommy” and get up in my grill and say some really outlandish things. And I am like, “What?” because words can really hurt, Ann. They can. Granted, she is 5 years old, but my point is that some people never outgrow that need.
So, it that it? Is that what it really is Ann? Or maybe when you were in high school, you couldn’t sit at the table with the cool kids? Maybe you had trouble relating to your peers? And now, for once, you have the chance to be the “Mean Girl” but only better – like the mean girl on steroids – because your vitriol gets you on television. It gets you places. Heck, nice people like me are questioning why you do what you do. Because I’m concerned.
Who hurt you, Ann? Was it a boy who didn’t like your locks of blonde hair?
Were you loved? Did you ever maybe feel just a bit, I don’t know, neglected?
If I saw you, I would want to give you a big warm hug, because I think that’s it. I think you just weren’t loved enough. Now, you might not want me to hug you, because I am brown. But I would try anyway. To take away that pain and hurt and anger till your skinny little twig-like body was wracked in sobs.
I usually try to stay out of your business, Ann. I think to myself – “Oh there’s Ann, doing her thing again!” and I kind of smile, because I know like a dog who hasn’t been potty trained, you just can’t help yourself. And that shit has gotta come out.
But your post the other night, really hit me for a doozy. I was all like, “Hey Ann must have been drunk when she wrote this! Girlfriend would never cross that line” but then I realized that I was the one who was drunk and I sobered up enough to admit that yes, you could. You could in fact write this.
But I was surprised, Ann. I was surprised that someone who looks like a drag queen yourself would say something so, so MEAN. I mean, you really crossed the line. And I don’t know if you know this, but there ARE gay Republicans.
Weird, right? That sexuality crosses party lines.
And again, I just kind of turned the other cheek. I didn’t want to get myself in a tizzy over this, you know? Because I know that the men and women who used that Thursday to come out to their parents and reveal their sexuality are more real than you might know how to be.
You know, since nobody hugs you enough.
And I have a feeling that Monday didn’t go as you planned. Because not everybody thinks like you, Ann. You’ve gotta expand that little, teeny part of your mind that is smaller than a raisinet (not to go on a tangent, but I really miss Raisinets. Are they still around?). You see, sweetheart, most people have a heart. It beats in their chest. Sometimes it synchs up with this thing that’s called a “conscience.”
When they work together, amazing things can happen. Magical things. Things that happen when parents love their children. And that love is stronger than you might think. Coming to terms with something like your child’s sexuality may be hard, no doubt. But people do hard things every day. And loving your child is not hard, not for most of us.
But today? Ann, I was so surprised when I saw this from you.
I don’t know, Ann. I don’t know if I want to wrap you up in that big hug now. I’m starting to think that there might not be hope for you. Now, I don’t give up on people very fast. When people said that Robert Downey, Jr. would never come back, I knew – I just knew that he would get better. Because he was too good for that. When people gave up on Britney after she cut off all her hair, I said, “Stop the presses everyone! Girlfriend might come back and get better!”
I still haven’t give up hope yet on that one.
Because I hold on, Ann. I believe in the good in people. And while I know there is a dark side to each of us, to every single one of us, whether we are Republican or Democrat, gay or straight, brunette or blonde, most of us want to hold onto the light. I really believe that most of us do.
By the way, are those extensions? I am just wondering. If not, your hair is really lovely. I do want to recommend a better conditioner though. Your ends are just a teeny bit dry.
Ping me later, ‘k?
And outside of just being there for you for hair advice, I think that the offer still stands. If you want a hug, I’ll give you one. I will try not to break your brittle bones or bruise your overly tanned skin. I will be gentle.
And I know one day you will mellow out. Maybe you should go on a yoga retreat? Just, I don’t know, get away! Let your overly bleached hair down! I think that once you take a deep breath and find that special place inside you, the part that’s been crying inside to be loved and given attention and to just be HEARD God damn it, you will learn to be gentle. Loving.
Good luck on your journey, Ann. On your way to finding love. Peace.
Om Shanti, sister.
“Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him with love.” – Mahatma Gandhi
(Backtracking a little: You guys know that I don’t really want to hug her right? Right now my feelings are closer to wanting to throw her off a cliff. Very few people other than her and Glenn Beck do that to me. If you look up the hashtag #specialneeds on twitter right now, you can hear the hurt and the amazement that this public figure could say such a thing. I hope the Republicans come out of this reviling her behavior and speaking out against it. Because that’s the right effing thing to do.)