January 4th 2013 archive

Today’s Post Brought to You by the Letter S

Happy New Year, everybody! In Hindi we say, “Naya Saal, Mubarakh!”

Translated to English it literally means, “May your cows prosper in the New Year!”

Really?

No.

It just means, “Happy New Year.”

I just wanted to say thank you to anybody who has been reading Masala Chica or has just started reading. Heck, today could be your first visit here. In which case, let me be the first to say, “Congratulations!”

Just kidding. A little bit.

So, things have been really tough around here. I have been struggling with a lot of things and it’s been a troubled time at the Masala Chica household. A few not so pleasant discoveries that hit me this holiday:

1) Any more than 12 jelly bean flavors is wasteful and bad for the environment. As I sat in my office one day, lamenting the pounds I had gained over the holiday and wondering where they came from while absentmindedly chewing on a jarful of Jelly Belly beans, I realized that we have become really spoiled as a society. Why do we have to have margarita flavored jelly beans or confections that taste like buttered popcorn? Is that what God intended for us when he gave us buttered popcorn? For it to be wrapped in a gelatinous, egg shaped bean so we could gag on it and just wish instead that we had looked close enough and realized we were not reaching for lemon or even coconut, goddamnit.

I often question God. And the Constitution. Sean Hannity too.

But let there be no mistake. This is unnatural.

All you need is this: cherry, grape, blueberry, lemon, watermelon, strawberry, pineapple, pina colada (yes, I know, I know), apple, orange, lime, raspberry and maybe, just maybe pomegranate.

Anything else is just unnecessary and also socially irresponsible. If you say you like buttered popcorn Jelly Bellys, we also can’t be friends anymore.

Photo – Shutterstock
Not necessary. Pare down.